The Lost
by Aislinn Trista
Summary: Holly Shepard nearly loses faith in herself, after the destruction of a mass relay and the deaths of over 300,000 batarians.


Disclaimer: Mass Effect and all of it's characters are the property of Bioware.

_Author's Note_: A quick little something I felt like writing after playing Arrival with my canon FemShep.

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><p><strong>The Lost<strong>

by Aislinn Trista

Holly Shepard sat on the edge of her bed in silence, tears slowly sliding down her cheeks. For the first time in her life, she felt fear and anxiety nearly cripple her with dread. There was a tightness in her chest and a heaviness to her limbs that wouldn't dissipate.

_300,000 dead. A system destroyed._

The Reapers had been delayed for now, but there was no running from the repercussions. She was responsible. There was no justification that could alleviate the weight on her conscious. No excuse that could heal the wounds she felt deep in her soul. It didn't feel the same as when she'd ordered the Alliance to aid the Destiny Ascension. Those people had been soldiers, ready to fight and die to defend the galaxy. They'd died honorable deaths in battle. This felt akin to mass murder, no matter how necessary the sacrifice had been.

Holly looked up as the door to her quarters opened. Thane quietly took a few steps inside, his face sympathetic as he noticed she'd been crying. Shepard averted her gaze as he moved towards her. She didn't feel worthy of his comfort. Didn't feel worthy of his love. There was a numbness and a shame that overtook her.

The drell didn't say a word, but sat next to her on the bed. There was a silence that seemed to last a lifetime before he finally spoke. His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Siha, I am here." He told her. "I know there is nothing that can..."

"I don't deserve that name." Shepard interrupted him, covering her face with her hands in despair. "I killed those people, I didn't protect them."

"You did what was necessary." Thane replied, with conviction. "All life in the galaxy would have been eradicated, if you hadn't destroyed the relay. You cannot save everyone."

"That doesn't make it any better." Holly shook her head, the tone of her voice edged with defeat. "I'm tired of fighting and seeing the decisions I make cause nothing but chaos and death."

The assassin suddenly stood up from the bed. He walked a few steps forward, then turned to face her. Shepard was taken aback by the expression on his face. It was a glare that turned her blood cold.

"So you will give up, then?" Thane asked, clearly agitated. "You insult the memory of those that have sacrificed for your cause, Shepard."

"That's not what I..." Holly tried to retort, but he interrupted her.

"You knew this path would be wrought with blood, with great loss." He went on, pacing in front of her. "Yet you continued to fight, despite the consequences. You know what's at stake."

"What do you want me to do, Thane?" Holly propelled herself up from the edge of the bed, their faces mere inches apart as her voice rose in anger. "Feel nothing? No remorse? No guilt? I can't turn myself to stone."

"That is not what I ask. " He replied, locking his dark eyes with her grey-blue ones. "We stand on the precipice of the abyss, Siha. A vast and infathomable darkness threatens to swallow all we know. The woman I love has always stood ready, a blinding light yearning to banish it entirely. A light that refuses to be extinguished."

Shepard was speechless, her face twisting with emotion. Thane suddenly pulled her to him, embracing her tightly. She held onto him as if her life depended on it. The tears began to flow once more, as she finally found the comfort she sorely needed.

"You will never be alone, Siha." He whispered in her ear. "Not while those you care for are in your heart and mind. You must be strong. For them, if not for yourself."

"You're right." Shepard sighed, drawing back to look into his eyes. She nodded slowly, a familiar expression of determination crossed her features . "And I will. For you, for a galaxy of lives still worth saving...and for those that we've lost."


End file.
